Homophobia
Homophobia is the unreasoning fear of or hatred toward homosexuals and homosexuality. Discrimination against homosexuals comes in many forms. At times homophobic beliefs lead people toward prejudiced actions at work, at schools, at clubs and in many other areas as well. Prejudiced views directed at homosexuals and other members of the LGTBQ community often stem from the perception that homosexual activity is immoral. Homophobia makes some people think that they are superior to homosexuals. In fact, studies show that anti-gay bias is far more accepted among large numbers of Americans than is bias against other minorities.
Homophobia is most dangerous when it serves as the justification for violent action against homosexuals. In recent years attacks on homosexuals have risen. While the violent crime rate in many areas continues to drop, anti-gay crime is moving in the other direction. What is most disturbing is the cruelty and viciousness of many of these attacks. The severity of many of these crimes helps to show the strong hatred that homophobia can create.
Statistics:
Gay and lesbian youth are 2 to 3 times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual young people.
91.5% of LGBT students report hearing homophobic remarks, such as “faggot,” “dyke” or the expression “that’s so gay” frequently or often.
80% of the LGBTQ youth report severe isolation problems.
45% of gay males and 20% of lesbians report having experienced verbal harassment and/or physical violence as a result of their sexual orientation.
Coming Out:
The term “coming out” (of the closet) refers to the life-long process of the development of a positive gay identity. It is a very long and difficult struggle for many because gay people often have to confront many homophobic attitudes and discriminatory practices along the way.
What is the fear?
-Rejection
- loss of relationships
-Gossip
-Harassment/abuse
-Being thrown out of the house/family
-Losing their job
-Physical violence
-Being vulnerable
-Another’s reaction
Why might gay/lesbian and bisexual people want to come out to friends/relatives?
-End of the “hiding game”
-Feel close to those people
-Be able to be “whole” around them
- Stop wasting energy by hiding all the time
-Feel like they have integrity
-To make a statement that “gay is OK”
How might someone feel after someone comes out to them?
-Scared
-Shocked
-Disbelieving
-Uncomfortable
-Not sure what to say
-Not sure what to do next
-Wondering why the person came out
What do people expect/want?
-Acceptance
-Support
-Understanding
-Comfort
-Closer friendship
-That knowing won’t negatively affect their friendship
-A hug and a smile
-An acknowledgement of their feelings
Source: Task Force Against Homophobia, SHU
Useful online links:
GLADD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance against Defamation)
http://www.glaad.org/
GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network)
http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/home.html
Human Right Campaign
http://hrc.org/
PFLAG (Parents Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
http://pflag.org/
Gay and Lesbian National Hotline 1-888-THE- GLNH
http://glnh.org/home.htm
http://www.youthprideri.org/Resources/ComingOutAdviceStoriesArt/WhatToDoWhenYourFriendComesOutToYou/tabid/226/Default.aspx
What To Do When Your Friend Comes Out To You
We live in a society that often discriminates against people who are different. We have all been taught to believe that to be “straight” is to be normal. This can cause a great deal of pain for LGBTQQ people. “Coming out,” or disclosing one’s orientation to others, is an important step in LGBTQQ people’s self-acceptance. Like everyone, LGBTQQ people seek acceptance.
Someone who is coming out feels close enough to you and trusts you enough to be honest with you. They may feel they are risking the loss of your friendship. It is difficult to know what to say and do to be a supportive friend to someone who has “come out” to you. Below are some suggestions you may wish to follow.
Thank your friend for having the courage to tell you. Choosing to tell you means that they have a great deal of respect and trust for you.
Terms and Definitions:
Bisexual: A bisexual is one who has significant and romantic attractions to members of both the same and opposite sex.
The Closet: Gay men and lesbians who conceal their sexual identity from others are said to be “in the closet.” For many gay men and lesbians, the closet becomes a place in which you live, unable to tell your secret. The image of a dimly lit, stale, confining space in which it is difficult to live and grow comes to mind.
Coming Out: Coming out is the act of telling another person that you are gay or a lesbian. For many gay men and lesbians this is a continuing process which occurs every time they meet someone new. Some gay men and lesbians choose to never come out to others.
Dyke: Dyke is derived from Dike of Ancient Greece, who was a storm goddess. It is a shortened version of Bulldyke. The word is used to create the image of a masculine woman. The word along with Faggot can be devastating terms to homosexual men and women in the early stages of developing their self-esteem.
Faggot: The term faggot originated in medieval times when a faggot was a bundle of sticks used to stoke a fire. The term came to refer to the burning of gay men and lesbians which occurred at the time. Flamer, Flaming, and faggot originated from this experience.
Gay: This word appeared in popular culture in the 1970’s to describe homosexuals. It is used mainly as an adjective and underscores sexual orientation as one aspect of an individual, not as the total individual.
Gender Identity: Gender is how one thinks about their own gender, whether they think of themselves as a man or woman, and to what degree they identify with the arbitrary gender roles placed on us by society.
Gender Roles: Society places arbitrary rules and roles, how one is supposed to act, dress, feel, think, relate to others, etc., on each of us based on a person’s sex (what genitalia they have).
Heterosexism: heterosexism is the idea that there is a natural form of sexuality, which is inevitable and good. The structures and institutions of our society exist to perpetuate this belief. Some examples are: the invisibility of gay men and lesbians, the lack of role models in schools and median, and the lack of legal and cultural recognition.
Heterosexual: Heterosexual is the clinical term used to describe people who feel a sexual attraction to members of the opposite sex.
Homophobia: Homophobia is the intense and irrational fear of same- sex relationships, gay men, lesbians and bisexuals. Gays are seen as sick, crazy, immoral, sinful, etc. Anything is believed to be justified in order to change them, including discrimination, harassment, and violence.
Homosexual: The word homosexual is a clinical term used to refer to people who are sexually attracted to members of their own sex.
Lesbian: The term lesbian originates from ancient Greece where the homosexual poet Sappho lived on the isle of Lesbos with other Greek women. It is from the isles that the term originates. Homosexual women sometimes prefer the term Lesbian as opposed to the generic term “Gay”. This term acknowledges the fact that homosexual women have different priorities and experiences than homosexual men.
Lifestyle: One’s lifestyle is how they live and behave, for example a person’s hobbies, environment, family makeup, etc.
Out: To disclose a person’s sexual orientation to another person. To be open regarding one’s sexual orientation in a given situation.
Queer: In the past few years, Queer has been adopted by many Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender people as a strong, all-inclusive, confrontational and political label for sexual minorities.
Sexual Identity: Sexual identity is the consistent and enduring sense of one’s own sexuality and repeated sexual thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. Sexual identity is how one thinks of oneself in terms of whom one is sexually and romantically attracted to. The process of sexual identity is ongoing.
Silent Minority: The term silent minority refers to the idea that gay men and lesbians are not a visible group to a casual observer. One cannot walk into a room and pick out the gay men or lesbians by sight. This allows many gay men and lesbians to live in “the closet”.
Transsexual: Transsexuals are individuals who have a deep conviction that their true gender identity is out of sync with their anatomical gender identity. That is, a woman may have genitals of a woman but “feel” as though she is a man. Transsexuals may choose to go through hormone therapy and/or operations to obtain a different anatomical identity.
Transgender: A person whose core gender identity is different from their biological gender identity. A transgender person is someone who switches gender roles, whether it is once or many times.
Homophobia is most dangerous when it serves as the justification for violent action against homosexuals. In recent years attacks on homosexuals have risen. While the violent crime rate in many areas continues to drop, anti-gay crime is moving in the other direction. What is most disturbing is the cruelty and viciousness of many of these attacks. The severity of many of these crimes helps to show the strong hatred that homophobia can create.
Statistics:
Gay and lesbian youth are 2 to 3 times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual young people.
91.5% of LGBT students report hearing homophobic remarks, such as “faggot,” “dyke” or the expression “that’s so gay” frequently or often.
80% of the LGBTQ youth report severe isolation problems.
45% of gay males and 20% of lesbians report having experienced verbal harassment and/or physical violence as a result of their sexual orientation.
Coming Out:
The term “coming out” (of the closet) refers to the life-long process of the development of a positive gay identity. It is a very long and difficult struggle for many because gay people often have to confront many homophobic attitudes and discriminatory practices along the way.
What is the fear?
-Rejection
- loss of relationships
-Gossip
-Harassment/abuse
-Being thrown out of the house/family
-Losing their job
-Physical violence
-Being vulnerable
-Another’s reaction
Why might gay/lesbian and bisexual people want to come out to friends/relatives?
-End of the “hiding game”
-Feel close to those people
-Be able to be “whole” around them
- Stop wasting energy by hiding all the time
-Feel like they have integrity
-To make a statement that “gay is OK”
How might someone feel after someone comes out to them?
-Scared
-Shocked
-Disbelieving
-Uncomfortable
-Not sure what to say
-Not sure what to do next
-Wondering why the person came out
What do people expect/want?
-Acceptance
-Support
-Understanding
-Comfort
-Closer friendship
-That knowing won’t negatively affect their friendship
-A hug and a smile
-An acknowledgement of their feelings
Source: Task Force Against Homophobia, SHU
Useful online links:
GLADD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance against Defamation)
http://www.glaad.org/
GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network)
http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/home.html
Human Right Campaign
http://hrc.org/
PFLAG (Parents Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
http://pflag.org/
Gay and Lesbian National Hotline 1-888-THE- GLNH
http://glnh.org/home.htm
http://www.youthprideri.org/Resources/ComingOutAdviceStoriesArt/WhatToDoWhenYourFriendComesOutToYou/tabid/226/Default.aspx
What To Do When Your Friend Comes Out To You
We live in a society that often discriminates against people who are different. We have all been taught to believe that to be “straight” is to be normal. This can cause a great deal of pain for LGBTQQ people. “Coming out,” or disclosing one’s orientation to others, is an important step in LGBTQQ people’s self-acceptance. Like everyone, LGBTQQ people seek acceptance.
Someone who is coming out feels close enough to you and trusts you enough to be honest with you. They may feel they are risking the loss of your friendship. It is difficult to know what to say and do to be a supportive friend to someone who has “come out” to you. Below are some suggestions you may wish to follow.
Thank your friend for having the courage to tell you. Choosing to tell you means that they have a great deal of respect and trust for you.
- Do not be judgmental. If you have strong religious or other beliefs about homosexuality, keep them to yourself for now. There will be plenty of time in the future for you to think and talk about your beliefs in light of your friend’s orientation.
- Respect your friend’s confidentiality by not discussing their sexual orientation or gender identity/expression with others without their consent. They have the right to decide who to tell and when. They may want to tell people in their own way and on their own timeline.
- Tell your friend that you still care about them, no matter what. Be the friend you have always been. The main fear for people coming out is that their friends and family will reject them.
- Don’t be too serious. Sensitively worded humor may ease the tension you are both probably feeling.
- Ask any questions you may have, but understand that your friend may not have all the answers. You can save some questions for later or, better yet, you can find some of the answers together.
- If your friend has a partner, include them in plans as much as you would with any other friend.
- Be prepared to include your friend in more of your plans. It is possible they may have lost the support of other friends and family when they came out. Your time and friendship will be even more precious to them. This may include “family” times like holidays or special celebrations.
- Offer and be available to support your friend as they “come out” to others.
- Call frequently during the time right after your friend has come out to you. This will let them know you are still friends.
- Be prepared if your friend has mood swings. Coming out can be celebratory, but it may also be traumatic. Anger and depression are common, especially if friends or family have trouble accepting your friend’s orientation. Don’t take mood swings personally. Be flattered you are close enough to risk sharing any feelings of anger or frustration.
- Do what you have always done together. Your friend probably feels that coming out will change everything in their life, and this is frightening. If you always go to the movies on Friday, then continue that.
- Talk about other LGBTQQ people you know. If you friend knows you have accepted someone else, they will feel more comfortable that you will accept them.
- Learn about the LBGTQQ community. This will allow you to better support your friend, and knowing about their word will help prevent you from drifting apart.
- Don’t allow your friend to become isolated. Let them know about organizations and places where they can meet other LGBTQQ people or supportive allies.
- If your friend seems afraid about people knowing, there may be a good reason. LGBTQQ people may experience name-calling, slurs and even violence because of who they are. Sometimes people are discriminated against in such things as education, housing and employment. If your friend is discriminated against illegally, you can help them in pursuing their rights.
- It’s never too late to address something you said. If someone has come out to you and you feel badly about how you handled it, you can always go back and try again.
Terms and Definitions:
Bisexual: A bisexual is one who has significant and romantic attractions to members of both the same and opposite sex.
The Closet: Gay men and lesbians who conceal their sexual identity from others are said to be “in the closet.” For many gay men and lesbians, the closet becomes a place in which you live, unable to tell your secret. The image of a dimly lit, stale, confining space in which it is difficult to live and grow comes to mind.
Coming Out: Coming out is the act of telling another person that you are gay or a lesbian. For many gay men and lesbians this is a continuing process which occurs every time they meet someone new. Some gay men and lesbians choose to never come out to others.
Dyke: Dyke is derived from Dike of Ancient Greece, who was a storm goddess. It is a shortened version of Bulldyke. The word is used to create the image of a masculine woman. The word along with Faggot can be devastating terms to homosexual men and women in the early stages of developing their self-esteem.
Faggot: The term faggot originated in medieval times when a faggot was a bundle of sticks used to stoke a fire. The term came to refer to the burning of gay men and lesbians which occurred at the time. Flamer, Flaming, and faggot originated from this experience.
Gay: This word appeared in popular culture in the 1970’s to describe homosexuals. It is used mainly as an adjective and underscores sexual orientation as one aspect of an individual, not as the total individual.
Gender Identity: Gender is how one thinks about their own gender, whether they think of themselves as a man or woman, and to what degree they identify with the arbitrary gender roles placed on us by society.
Gender Roles: Society places arbitrary rules and roles, how one is supposed to act, dress, feel, think, relate to others, etc., on each of us based on a person’s sex (what genitalia they have).
Heterosexism: heterosexism is the idea that there is a natural form of sexuality, which is inevitable and good. The structures and institutions of our society exist to perpetuate this belief. Some examples are: the invisibility of gay men and lesbians, the lack of role models in schools and median, and the lack of legal and cultural recognition.
Heterosexual: Heterosexual is the clinical term used to describe people who feel a sexual attraction to members of the opposite sex.
Homophobia: Homophobia is the intense and irrational fear of same- sex relationships, gay men, lesbians and bisexuals. Gays are seen as sick, crazy, immoral, sinful, etc. Anything is believed to be justified in order to change them, including discrimination, harassment, and violence.
Homosexual: The word homosexual is a clinical term used to refer to people who are sexually attracted to members of their own sex.
Lesbian: The term lesbian originates from ancient Greece where the homosexual poet Sappho lived on the isle of Lesbos with other Greek women. It is from the isles that the term originates. Homosexual women sometimes prefer the term Lesbian as opposed to the generic term “Gay”. This term acknowledges the fact that homosexual women have different priorities and experiences than homosexual men.
Lifestyle: One’s lifestyle is how they live and behave, for example a person’s hobbies, environment, family makeup, etc.
Out: To disclose a person’s sexual orientation to another person. To be open regarding one’s sexual orientation in a given situation.
Queer: In the past few years, Queer has been adopted by many Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender people as a strong, all-inclusive, confrontational and political label for sexual minorities.
Sexual Identity: Sexual identity is the consistent and enduring sense of one’s own sexuality and repeated sexual thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. Sexual identity is how one thinks of oneself in terms of whom one is sexually and romantically attracted to. The process of sexual identity is ongoing.
Silent Minority: The term silent minority refers to the idea that gay men and lesbians are not a visible group to a casual observer. One cannot walk into a room and pick out the gay men or lesbians by sight. This allows many gay men and lesbians to live in “the closet”.
Transsexual: Transsexuals are individuals who have a deep conviction that their true gender identity is out of sync with their anatomical gender identity. That is, a woman may have genitals of a woman but “feel” as though she is a man. Transsexuals may choose to go through hormone therapy and/or operations to obtain a different anatomical identity.
Transgender: A person whose core gender identity is different from their biological gender identity. A transgender person is someone who switches gender roles, whether it is once or many times.
